This is Part II of a 2-part blog dealing with a question asked by husbands married to wives who are victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). We husbands wonder, “When will this trauma finally be over?” The late Yogi Berra was known for his memorable twists of phrases. Yogi once said, “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t…
Husbands married to wives who are victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) want to know where they are on the journey of healing and when they’ll get to the destination of resolve. So they ask: When will this finally be over? When will we get through this? How long will this take? The emotional pain for wives as survivors and…
Have you wondered why God seems silent and slow to respond? So have I. My wife disclosed her childhood sexual abuse (CSA) to me more than ten years into our marriage. Everything changed. Life seemed to unravel as she began dealing with the hideous reality of what for years had been stuffed within her conscience. I began asking God to…
Constructive communication between husbands and wives requires intentional and loving expression and receptivity. This is true for all couples, whether or not a spouse is the victim of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). The potential for misunderstandings in communication always exists. Consider the husband and wife whose date night resulted in two vastly different experiences and understandings. Her journal entry at…
In communicating with our wives, if we are not conscious of our motive, we will not be clear in our message. Let’s say that for date night with my wife I say, “Honey, let’s just order out Chinese and have a nice, quiet evening at home.” My message is disguising my motivation because the fuller story is that I’m worried…
From personal experience and from my interaction with other husbands whose wives are victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), I know that we men are often hesitant to express some of our needs and frustrations to our wives. Some fear usually hinders freedom of expression. For some, it’s fear that their wives will further distance themselves emotionally. Others may fear…
Last week’s blog referred to the process known as grooming in childhood sexual abuse (CSA). The perpetrator grooms not only the victim but also the community. Having groomed the community, it is possible for the perpetrator to be respected before ever being suspected. Sadly, when the victim discloses CSA, the victim is too often suspected of lying or blamed for…
For many years, I assumed that anything with the word “self” in front of it was not good: selfish, self-indulgent, self-righteous, self-pity. I’ve now awakened to the fact that there are some exceptions and self-care is one of those exceptions. Jesus, the personification of selflessness, knowing the limitations of his disciples, guided them in self-care. When “so many people were…