Survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their spouses are familiar with loss. Survivors of sexual abuse can experience the loss of: Safety and security Trust Sense of innocence Intimacy Physical health Emotional health And more . . . Spouses of sexual abuse survivors can experience loss of intimacy, a sense of normalcy in life, emotional connection, and more. These losses…
“My marriage and my wife are not what I expected.” Though many wives can speak these same words regarding their husbands, this blog is addressed to husbands. As a husband and visitor to this website, you might be thinking, “The effects of my wife’s childhood sexual abuse have changed my expectations for our marriage.” Unfulfilled expectations in marriage beg the…
“The Holidays!” Hallmark movies and cards present the holidays with warm, nostalgic scripts and scenes. Songs of the holidays resound with jingles of joy. Decorated homes and cookies portray all things nice and beautiful. The center stage for the holiday festivities is the family gathering. But for victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), being with the family of origin—where the…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) report how they are often blamed, shamed, or avoided when they disclose their abuse. Take a moment right now to consider your response if a survivor discloses their abuse to you. Do you attempt to explain why the abuse happened? Do you mentally scramble for advice you can offer? Do you change the subject…
A survivor’s memory of trauma can be triggered when any of their five physiological senses are stimulated by an environmental condition that occurred during their trauma decades earlier. If your wife is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, there are environmental conditions that can trigger her memory of the abuse. When this occurs, the trauma of her past once again invades her present. The seasonal changes of autumn can be powerful and plaguing triggers.
Every story from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is unique and something can be learned from every story. My wife, Pamela, and I invite you into our story. Our prayer is that you too will experience hope and healing. Our interview with the national family ministry FamilyLife Today is conducted by Dave and Ann Wilson and Bob Lepine. The…
Though every survivor of childhood sexual abuse has their own unique story, shame is a common long-term effect for all survivors. Shame is a disconnect from others and self that can be common to all but especially imposed upon survivors of sexual abuse and their spouses. It rises out of a sense that something is wrong with me. Responses to…
Shame is a common experience among survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It is a condition imposed on them as opposed to being initiated by them. The internal response of shame is not because of what they have done but because of what they have been led to believe about themselves. A survivor churns with self-condemning questions of: Was I not…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are ensnarled in a web of confusion during their abuse. Their entanglement of thoughts and questions include: How can this person who is supposed to care for me do what he/she is doing to me? I don’t know why he/she is doing this to my body. It feels so wrong. I don’t want to be…
In this blog, I offer two observations as to why the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse in our society goes unnoticed and unmentioned. The first observation applies especially to institutions such as churches. The second observation was brought to my awareness by another observer and has individual application.