Spouses of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) survivors speak of unmet desires in their lives. Also true is that survivors of CSA identify unmet desires in their lives. There’s more. The unrest in our Western society leads me to assume that most people have unmet desires. . . . most people have unmet desires. How about you? What deep ache in…
In my previous blog, I proposed our need to reframe our thinking about childhood sexual abuse (CSA) by understanding that the outcome for most CSA survivors is post-traumatic stress disorder and complex traumatic stress disorder. Once we have reframed our understanding of CSA, we can work towards reframing our response to survivors of abuse. Reframing our response includes these three…
Olympic gymnasts Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, McKayla Maroney, and other sexual abuse (SA) victims of former team doctor Larry Nassar are suing the FBI for over $1 billion. Based on the 2021 Justice Department findings, the lawsuit contends that the FBI failed to act after receiving accusations of Nassar sexually molesting gymnasts. The FBI’s failure enabled Nassar to continue his…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their spouses are familiar with loss. Survivors of sexual abuse can experience the loss of: Safety and security Trust Sense of innocence Intimacy Physical health Emotional health And more . . . Spouses of sexual abuse survivors can experience loss of intimacy, a sense of normalcy in life, emotional connection, and more. These losses…
“My marriage and my wife are not what I expected.” Though many wives can speak these same words regarding their husbands, this blog is addressed to husbands. As a husband and visitor to this website, you might be thinking, “The effects of my wife’s childhood sexual abuse have changed my expectations for our marriage.” Unfulfilled expectations in marriage beg the…
“The Holidays!” Hallmark movies and cards present the holidays with warm, nostalgic scripts and scenes. Songs of the holidays resound with jingles of joy. Decorated homes and cookies portray all things nice and beautiful. The center stage for the holiday festivities is the family gathering. But for victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), being with the family of origin—where the…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) report how they are often blamed, shamed, or avoided when they disclose their abuse. Take a moment right now to consider your response if a survivor discloses their abuse to you. Do you attempt to explain why the abuse happened? Do you mentally scramble for advice you can offer? Do you change the subject…
A survivor’s memory of trauma can be triggered when any of their five physiological senses are stimulated by an environmental condition that occurred during their trauma decades earlier. If your wife is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, there are environmental conditions that can trigger her memory of the abuse. When this occurs, the trauma of her past once again invades her present. The seasonal changes of autumn can be powerful and plaguing triggers.
Every story from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is unique and something can be learned from every story. My wife, Pamela, and I invite you into our story. Our prayer is that you too will experience hope and healing. Our interview with the national family ministry FamilyLife Today is conducted by Dave and Ann Wilson and Bob Lepine. The…
Though every survivor of childhood sexual abuse has their own unique story, shame is a common long-term effect for all survivors. Shame is a disconnect from others and self that can be common to all but especially imposed upon survivors of sexual abuse and their spouses. It rises out of a sense that something is wrong with me. Responses to…