Here’s one reason. The mention of sexual abuse, especially childhood sexual abuse, frequently elicits a “deer in the headlights” stare from others as a response. Why are people slow to understand the trauma of sexual and childhood sexual abuse? In this blog, I offer one reason why, a reason that will resonate with people who hold to a biblical worldview.…
In a blog and video earlier this year, I identified and illustrated four adverse factors that husbands of sexual abuse (SA) survivors potentially bring into their marriage. Adverse Factors are the perspectives and behaviors a husband brings into his marriage that mimic the events surrounding his wife’s sexual abuse and/or clash with the effects of his wife’s sexual abuse. Some…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse were mentally, emotionally, and physically manipulated by their perpetrators. None of us look favorably at anyone’s manipulation of another person. But how can we know we are not manipulative? I’ve learned that I need to check my motive when I ask my wife questions or do something that involves her. While knowing our true motive…
Not all survivors talk about their childhood sexual abuse. But some do. Among those who do, some share the dark experiences and feelings of their trauma over and over. So as the husband of a survivor, what do you do when your wife shares her trauma with you? A husband’s mind can easily wander off to sports, work, and to-do…
All of us get angry at some time towards someone or something. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse can be angry at the perpetrator who violated their body and personhood. Spouses of survivors can be angry at the perpetrator too. A question for us is, “Is it ok to be angry at God?” For example, is it ok to be angry at God that the abuse happened? This blog offers steps that will help you answer that question.
The adverse factors are identified as we invest time and thought into our past and present. In this third video of a 3-part series, we explore and examine our lives’ hidden aspects and past trauma(s), which also give birth to adverse factors.
As we explore the scripts and scenes from our childhood home, we discover that they often expose adverse factors that we potentially adopt in our lives and carry forward into our marriages.
My primary work in fulfilling the mission of Marriage Reconstruction Ministries is with the husbands of sexual abuse survivors. Husbands contact me because their wives are experiencing disturbing effects that are disrupting their marriage. The effects can include shame, eating disorders, sexual intimacy struggles, relational conflict, depression, anxiety disorder, and more. These effects can distort perceptions, disrupt routines, and damage…
This video series will help you to understand why survivors are silenced, how disclosures have distinct characteristics, and how we can respond with compassion.
“My marriage and my wife are not what I expected.” Though many wives can speak these same words regarding their husbands, this blog is addressed to husbands. As a husband and visitor to this website, you might be thinking, “The effects of my wife’s childhood sexual abuse have changed my expectations for our marriage.” Unfulfilled expectations in marriage beg the…