Are You Courageous Enough to Explore and Admit Your Ignorance?

In a blog and video earlier this year, I identified and illustrated four adverse factors that husbands of sexual abuse (SA) survivors potentially bring into their marriage. Adverse Factors are the perspectives and behaviors a husband brings into his marriage that mimic the events surrounding his wife’s sexual abuse and/or clash with the effects of his wife’s sexual abuse. Some…

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How do you know you are not manipulative?

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse were mentally, emotionally, and physically manipulated by their perpetrators. None of us look favorably at anyone’s manipulation of another person. But how can we know we are not manipulative? I’ve learned that I need to check my motive when I ask my wife questions or do something that involves her. While knowing our true motive…

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Is it healthy to view our spouse as someone who makes us complete?

“You make me complete.”  This statement, or a variation thereof, is heard in personalized marriage vows, wedding receptions, music, and movies. The phrase appears to be socially accepted. But is it healthy? Many couples do complement each other in their relationship. One might be a planner, and the other spontaneous. Mutual respect and acceptance of their differences can open the…

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What do you do when your wife shares her troubled feelings about her sexual abuse?

Not all survivors talk about their childhood sexual abuse. But some do. Among those who do, some share the dark experiences and feelings of their trauma over and over. So as the husband of a survivor, what do you do when your wife shares her trauma with you? A husband’s mind can easily wander off to sports, work, and to-do…

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Husbands Bring Their Own Stuff into Their Marriage

My primary work in fulfilling the mission of Marriage Reconstruction Ministries is with the husbands of sexual abuse survivors. Husbands contact me because their wives are experiencing disturbing effects that are disrupting their marriage. The effects can include shame, eating disorders, sexual intimacy struggles, relational conflict, depression, anxiety disorder, and more. These effects can distort perceptions, disrupt routines, and damage…

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Featured Post

Navigating through Family Expectations during the Holidays “The Holidays!” Hallmark movies and cards present the holidays with warm, nostalgic scripts and scenes. Songs of the holidays resound with jingles of joy. Decorated homes and cookies portray all things nice and beautiful. The center stage for the holiday festivities is the family gathering. But for victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA),…

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