Before You Separate

I wrote in a previous blog, “a reconstructed and healthy marriage is not the experience for all couples whose marriage is affected by childhood sexual abuse (CSA). Sometimes reconstruction is no longer viewed as a possibility” (What about the marriages that seem beyond reconstruction?). This blog is for those contemplating separation or divorce. It is an invitation to take inventory…

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Childhood Sexual Abuse: How are you affected by the effects?

Childhood sexual abuse produces effects on the survivor and poses affects for the spouse, husband in my case, of the survivor. For students and writers, the difference between affect and effect is grammatically important. For husbands whose wives are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, the difference between the two is relationally important. Bear with me for a really quick grammar…

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Why do husbands of childhood sexual abuse survivors feel shame and what can they do about it?

Caleb stood in the hallway and poked his head into the room, enough to see in but not enough to be easily seen. He was deciding whether to attend my breakout session at a men’s conference or the breakout session on pornography – how men are enticed into it and neurologically affected by it. My breakout session focused on helping…

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It’s a shame that Christmas isn’t always merry for survivors of childhood sexual abuse

This week, every one of us will hear it sung, “We wish you a Merry Christmas.” For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, however, Christmas can be accompanied by heightened anxiety and shame. It’s anything but merry. The long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse are vast in that they include psychological, physiological, and social impact on the survivor’s life. They are…

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Here’s why your wife cannot “just get over” her childhood sexual abuse

Clark Barshinger, in Haunted Marriage, calls childhood sexual abuse “murder of the psyche.” The depth of psychological injury from childhood sexual abuse and the long-term existence of its manifestations surpass the effects of most other forms of trauma. The notion that survivors “just get over it” ignores the trauma of abuse and the intricately intertwined wiring of our personhood; emotional,…

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