In my previous blog, I listed behaviors that can indicate our own controlling behavior. Controlling behavior is the attempt to control how others act, think, feel, respond, live, use their money, and more. Controlling behavior violates the boundaries of healthy relationships and will damage any relationship: marriage, siblings, coworkers, neighbors, and anywhere you find two or more people. As a…
As I descended the hill into the parking lot of the retreat center, I noticed a man with a clipboard standing on the left edge of the gravel drive. His black Derby Bowler hat accentuated his dark eyes. He stared me down, indicating that I was to stop and lower my window. Without any greeting, he asked, “What time is…
My wife Pamela has ministered to survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) for over 25 years, and together, we’ve been ministering to couples affected by CSA for over 15 years. For eight years, Marriage Reconstruction Ministries, Inc. (MRM) has been the “distribution center” of our ministry to couples by helping them reconstruct their marriage affected by a wife’s CSA. Our ministry…
This blog is a sequel to an earlier blog titled “What is a Healthy Process for Dealing with the Loss You’ve Experienced in Your Relationship?” (Posted two weeks ago and on January 10, 2022). In Hiding from Love, John Townsend made this powerful statement. Make sadness your ally instead of your enemy. . . This sadness, or grief, allows you…
In a blog and video earlier this year, I identified and illustrated four adverse factors that husbands of sexual abuse (SA) survivors potentially bring into their marriage. Adverse Factors are the perspectives and behaviors a husband brings into his marriage that mimic the events surrounding his wife’s sexual abuse and/or clash with the effects of his wife’s sexual abuse. Some…
“You make me complete.” This statement, or a variation thereof, is heard in personalized marriage vows, wedding receptions, music, and movies. The phrase appears to be socially accepted. But is it healthy? Many couples do complement each other in their relationship. One might be a planner, and the other spontaneous. Mutual respect and acceptance of their differences can open the…
All of us get angry at some time towards someone or something. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse can be angry at the perpetrator who violated their body and personhood. Spouses of survivors can be angry at the perpetrator too. A question for us is, “Is it ok to be angry at God?” For example, is it ok to be angry at God that the abuse happened? This blog offers steps that will help you answer that question.
The adverse factors are identified as we invest time and thought into our past and present. In this third video of a 3-part series, we explore and examine our lives’ hidden aspects and past trauma(s), which also give birth to adverse factors.
As we explore the scripts and scenes from our childhood home, we discover that they often expose adverse factors that we potentially adopt in our lives and carry forward into our marriages.
My primary work in fulfilling the mission of Marriage Reconstruction Ministries is with the husbands of sexual abuse survivors. Husbands contact me because their wives are experiencing disturbing effects that are disrupting their marriage. The effects can include shame, eating disorders, sexual intimacy struggles, relational conflict, depression, anxiety disorder, and more. These effects can distort perceptions, disrupt routines, and damage…