I wonder how many of us husbands were raised by non-communicative fathers? Kyle, a friend of mine, and I were having lunch the other day at Applebee’s. His dad is experiencing aging issues that include some behavioral changes, some expected and some not so expected. Kyle said that his dad has started talking about his feelings – that’s an unexpected change.…
Caleb stood in the hallway and poked his head into the room, enough to see in but not enough to be easily seen. He was deciding whether to attend my breakout session at a men’s conference or the breakout session on pornography – how men are enticed into it and neurologically affected by it. My breakout session focused on helping…
This week, every one of us will hear it sung, “We wish you a Merry Christmas.” For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, however, Christmas can be accompanied by heightened anxiety and shame. It’s anything but merry. The long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse are vast in that they include psychological, physiological, and social impact on the survivor’s life. They are…
Clark Barshinger, in Haunted Marriage, calls childhood sexual abuse “murder of the psyche.” The depth of psychological injury from childhood sexual abuse and the long-term existence of its manifestations surpass the effects of most other forms of trauma. The notion that survivors “just get over it” ignores the trauma of abuse and the intricately intertwined wiring of our personhood; emotional,…
Tina Zahn experienced dissociative moments common to many survivors of childhood sexual abuse. In her book, Why I Jumped, Tina described how her stepfather ordered her to their dark and dingy basement. She recalled how she hated her stepfather’s breathing, being held down by him, and the smells that emitted from him. As her stepfather went through his abusive ritual,…
How can we speak and listen, as husbands, so that our wives can hear and understand? It’s a matter of expressing, receiving, and our driving motivations.
Many men who are married to a survivor of childhood sexual abuse are confronted by a marital question that they never anticipated on their wedding day: Should I stay or should I go? Think back to your wedding day. Like most grooms, you had bright hopes. But, as the husband of a childhood sexual abuse survivor, you are probably reading this blog because you’ve experienced…
Four things for dads to focus on when a marriage is affected by past childhood sexual abuse…
I’ll be Home for Christmas. Sung by dozens of recording artists since its first recording in 1943 by Bing Crosby, the song’s lyrics were from the perspective of a WWII soldier who anticipated being home for Christmas. For the soldier, to be home at Christmas was peace and all things nice like mistletoe and presents under the tree. But for…
Guest blogger, Laura Landgraf (author, speaker & life coach), speaks into the lives of husbands whose wives are victims/survivors of childhood sexual abuse.