My wife Pamela has ministered to survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) for over 25 years, and together, we’ve been ministering to couples affected by CSA for over 15 years. For eight years, Marriage Reconstruction Ministries, Inc. (MRM) has been the “distribution center” of our ministry to couples by helping them reconstruct their marriage affected by a wife’s CSA. Our ministry…
In this 8-minute video, I offer 6 fundamental principles applied to everyday living for spouses of childhood sexual abuse survivors.
Though every survivor of childhood sexual abuse has their own unique story, shame is a common long-term effect for all survivors. Shame is a disconnect from others and self that can be common to all but especially imposed upon survivors of sexual abuse and their spouses. It rises out of a sense that something is wrong with me. Responses to…
In my previous blog, I suggested ways of coping during COVID-19, with applications focused primarily on marriages affected by a spouse’s childhood sexual abuse. In this blog, I offer four ideas for couples to move from mere coping during COVID-19 to healthy marital connecting during COVID-19. Matthew Lieberman in his book Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect, states…
I’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer. Though it was unexpected and obviously uninvited, I’ve been journaling many valuable lessons and embracing some new perspectives. Because of my work in Marriage Reconstruction Ministries, I began noticing parallels between a diagnosis of cancer and being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. In this article I hope to specifically highlight three vital truths…
In our previous blog, I offered two observations on why the prevalence and injury of childhood sexual abuse continue to be ignored by society. In this blog, I shift the focus from the response of society to our personal responses and care to survivors of abuse. How can we extend care to survivors of sexual abuse? Here are three loving…
In this blog, I offer two observations as to why the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse in our society goes unnoticed and unmentioned. The first observation applies especially to institutions such as churches. The second observation was brought to my awareness by another observer and has individual application.
Family gatherings can be messy, especially during the Christmas holiday. For some families, it’s anything but “a holly, jolly Christmas.” For survivors of childhood sexual abuse whose abuse occurred within the family system, Christmas family gatherings accentuate the family fraud of keeping the secret. The sham of acting like nothing happened becomes a re-enactment of the trauma and threats that…
In my previous blog, I outlined how each of us has a predictable style of communication when we argue. According to Mark and Debbie Laaser in their book Seven Desires, we each adopt one of four stances when we have conflict over unfulfilled desires in our relationships, especially in a marriage relationship. This is true whether or not your marriage…
When Glen and Brenda disagree and argue, their interaction is predictable. He points his finger at her. She cowers in silence. It is not unusual for victims of childhood sexual abuse to be silent in conflict. But a predictable style of arguing is typical of everyone, whether or not there is abuse in their background. Every husband and wife have…