Tina Zahn experienced dissociative moments common to many survivors of childhood sexual abuse. In her book, Why I Jumped, Tina described how her stepfather ordered her to their dark and dingy basement. She recalled how she hated her stepfather’s breathing, being held down by him, and the smells that emitted from him. As her stepfather went through his abusive ritual,…
How can we speak and listen, as husbands, so that our wives can hear and understand? It’s a matter of expressing, receiving, and our driving motivations.
Many men who are married to a survivor of childhood sexual abuse are confronted by a marital question that they never anticipated on their wedding day: Should I stay or should I go? Think back to your wedding day. Like most grooms, you had bright hopes. But, as the husband of a childhood sexual abuse survivor, you are probably reading this blog because you’ve experienced…
Four things for dads to focus on when a marriage is affected by past childhood sexual abuse…
I’ll be Home for Christmas. Sung by dozens of recording artists since its first recording in 1943 by Bing Crosby, the song’s lyrics were from the perspective of a WWII soldier who anticipated being home for Christmas. For the soldier, to be home at Christmas was peace and all things nice like mistletoe and presents under the tree. But for…
Guest blogger, Laura Landgraf (author, speaker & life coach), speaks into the lives of husbands whose wives are victims/survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
Men who are married to victims of childhood sexual abuse might experience a marriage in which it seems like they’ve been married to two different women, especially if their wife’s disclosure of the abuse occurred several years into their marriage. Brent’s wife was outgoing and adventurous during the first ten years of their marriage. But after her disclosure of childhood…
Have you wondered why God seems silent and slow to respond? So have I. My wife disclosed her childhood sexual abuse (CSA) to me more than ten years into our marriage. Everything changed. Life seemed to unravel as she began dealing with the hideous reality of what for years had been stuffed within her conscience. I began asking God to…
Constructive communication between husbands and wives requires intentional and loving expression and receptivity. This is true for all couples, whether or not a spouse is the victim of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). The potential for misunderstandings in communication always exists. Consider the husband and wife whose date night resulted in two vastly different experiences and understandings. Her journal entry at…
In communicating with our wives, if we are not conscious of our motive, we will not be clear in our message. Let’s say that for date night with my wife I say, “Honey, let’s just order out Chinese and have a nice, quiet evening at home.” My message is disguising my motivation because the fuller story is that I’m worried…