In my previous blog, I listed behaviors that can indicate our own controlling behavior. Controlling behavior is the attempt to control how others act, think, feel, respond, live, use their money, and more. Controlling behavior violates the boundaries of healthy relationships and will damage any relationship: marriage, siblings, coworkers, neighbors, and anywhere you find two or more people. As a…
As I descended the hill into the parking lot of the retreat center, I noticed a man with a clipboard standing on the left edge of the gravel drive. His black Derby Bowler hat accentuated his dark eyes. He stared me down, indicating that I was to stop and lower my window. Without any greeting, he asked, “What time is…
Some people are tuned into their emotions, while others never think about emotions or minimize their importance. If you were raised in a home where emotions were never spoken of or might have even been ridiculed, you likely minimize the role of emotions in your life. However, avoiding our emotions is detrimental to our well-being, given that our emotions can…
My wife Pamela has ministered to survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) for over 25 years, and together, we’ve been ministering to couples affected by CSA for over 15 years. For eight years, Marriage Reconstruction Ministries, Inc. (MRM) has been the “distribution center” of our ministry to couples by helping them reconstruct their marriage affected by a wife’s CSA. Our ministry…
This blog is a sequel to an earlier blog titled “What is a Healthy Process for Dealing with the Loss You’ve Experienced in Your Relationship?” (Posted two weeks ago and on January 10, 2022). In Hiding from Love, John Townsend made this powerful statement. Make sadness your ally instead of your enemy. . . This sadness, or grief, allows you…
I am reposting a blog from January 10, 2022, for two reasons. First, it is important and always timely. Second, I ask you to review and reflect on this blog before I present further details and “how to” in my next blog. Watch for the sequel coming next week titled, Dealing with the losses incurred from the sexual abuse of your…
Here’s one reason. The mention of sexual abuse, especially childhood sexual abuse, frequently elicits a “deer in the headlights” stare from others as a response. Why are people slow to understand the trauma of sexual and childhood sexual abuse? In this blog, I offer one reason why, a reason that will resonate with people who hold to a biblical worldview.…
In a blog and video earlier this year, I identified and illustrated four adverse factors that husbands of sexual abuse (SA) survivors potentially bring into their marriage. Adverse Factors are the perspectives and behaviors a husband brings into his marriage that mimic the events surrounding his wife’s sexual abuse and/or clash with the effects of his wife’s sexual abuse. Some…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse were mentally, emotionally, and physically manipulated by their perpetrators. None of us look favorably at anyone’s manipulation of another person. But how can we know we are not manipulative? I’ve learned that I need to check my motive when I ask my wife questions or do something that involves her. While knowing our true motive…
“You make me complete.” This statement, or a variation thereof, is heard in personalized marriage vows, wedding receptions, music, and movies. The phrase appears to be socially accepted. But is it healthy? Many couples do complement each other in their relationship. One might be a planner, and the other spontaneous. Mutual respect and acceptance of their differences can open the…