Why do husbands of childhood sexual abuse survivors feel shame and what can they do about it?

Caleb stood in the hallway and poked his head into the room, enough to see in but not enough to be easily seen. He was deciding whether to attend my breakout session at a men’s conference or the breakout session on pornography – how men are enticed into it and neurologically affected by it. My breakout session focused on helping…

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It’s a shame that Christmas isn’t always merry for survivors of childhood sexual abuse

This week, every one of us will hear it sung, “We wish you a Merry Christmas.” For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, however, Christmas can be accompanied by heightened anxiety and shame. It’s anything but merry. The long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse are vast in that they include psychological, physiological, and social impact on the survivor’s life. They are…

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Here’s why your wife cannot “just get over” her childhood sexual abuse

Clark Barshinger, in Haunted Marriage, calls childhood sexual abuse “murder of the psyche.” The depth of psychological injury from childhood sexual abuse and the long-term existence of its manifestations surpass the effects of most other forms of trauma. The notion that survivors “just get over it” ignores the trauma of abuse and the intricately intertwined wiring of our personhood; emotional,…

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How should husbands respond to their wives’ dissociation?

Tina Zahn experienced dissociative moments common to many survivors of childhood sexual abuse. In her book, Why I Jumped, Tina described how her stepfather ordered her to their dark and dingy basement. She recalled how she hated her stepfather’s breathing, being held down by him, and the smells that emitted from him. As her stepfather went through his abusive ritual,…

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? [When Your Wife was Sexually Abused As A Child]

Many men who are married to a survivor of childhood sexual abuse are confronted by a marital question that they never anticipated on their wedding day:  Should I stay or should I go? Think back to your wedding day.  Like most grooms, you had bright hopes.  But, as the husband of a childhood sexual abuse survivor, you are probably reading this blog because you’ve experienced…

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