Shame is a common experience among survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It is a condition imposed on them as opposed to being initiated by them. The internal response of shame is not because of what they have done but because of what they have been led to believe about themselves. A survivor churns with self-condemning questions of: Was I not…
In my previous blog, I suggested ways of coping during COVID-19, with applications focused primarily on marriages affected by a spouse’s childhood sexual abuse. In this blog, I offer four ideas for couples to move from mere coping during COVID-19 to healthy marital connecting during COVID-19. Matthew Lieberman in his book Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect, states…
During the Coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic, many marriages are being challenged in new ways as “Stay at Home” orders are given to many states and localities. Constant togetherness is not always a good thing. Men and women in marriages affected by a spouse’s childhood sexual abuse can find it extra challenging in our new normal. These challenges include: Conflicted couples become more…
Have you ever heard an author speak and then read their book? You get the benefit of hearing the author’s voice as you read the book. It’s like having the book read to you by the author because you hear their passion and get a peek into their personal life and perspective. I am offering that opportunity to you in…
When I interact with husbands whose wives are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, I often speak of how God seeks to reshape us so that we can be free from the attitudes and behaviors that are destructive to us as husbands and detrimental to our marriage. I sometimes refer to this as personal development. God has been reshaping me. I…
I am excited to announce the release of my new book Help, My Wife is a Survivor of Sexual Abuse: Answers to Your Most Important Questions. You will find it on Amazon beginning Monday, September 23, in both paperback and Kindle versions. It is my prayer that the information, insights, and recommendations in this book will lead to transformed lives…
The principles that govern my work with husbands include the necessity of self-awareness, self-care, and personal development. The trauma inflicted by childhood sexual abuse and the long-term effects endured by survivors of abuse imposes unwanted challenges for both the survivor and spouse. I work with husbands of childhood sexual abuse survivors, helping them navigate in their marriage relationship in such…
The prevalence of Childhood Sexual Abuse continues at a disturbing rate yet remains ignored or disbelieved by too many in our society. Some people give the “deer in the headlights” look when they hear that at least one-in-four women and at least one-in-six men are sexually abused before age 18. They live in ignorance about the problem. Others believe childhood…
I’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer. Though it was unexpected and obviously uninvited, I’ve been journaling many valuable lessons and embracing some new perspectives. Because of my work in Marriage Reconstruction Ministries, I began noticing parallels between a diagnosis of cancer and being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. In this article I hope to specifically highlight three vital truths…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are ensnarled in a web of confusion during their abuse. Their entanglement of thoughts and questions include: How can this person who is supposed to care for me do what he/she is doing to me? I don’t know why he/she is doing this to my body. It feels so wrong. I don’t want to be…