Some people are tuned into their emotions, while others never think about emotions or minimize their importance. If you were raised in a home where emotions were never spoken of or might have even been ridiculed, you likely minimize the role of emotions in your life. However, avoiding our emotions is detrimental to our well-being, given that our emotions can…
This blog is a sequel to an earlier blog titled “What is a Healthy Process for Dealing with the Loss You’ve Experienced in Your Relationship?” (Posted two weeks ago and on January 10, 2022). In Hiding from Love, John Townsend made this powerful statement. Make sadness your ally instead of your enemy. . . This sadness, or grief, allows you…
In my previous blog, I proposed our need to reframe our thinking about childhood sexual abuse (CSA) by understanding that the outcome for most CSA survivors is post-traumatic stress disorder and complex traumatic stress disorder. Once we have reframed our understanding of CSA, we can work towards reframing our response to survivors of abuse. Reframing our response includes these three…
Olympic gymnasts Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, McKayla Maroney, and other sexual abuse (SA) victims of former team doctor Larry Nassar are suing the FBI for over $1 billion. Based on the 2021 Justice Department findings, the lawsuit contends that the FBI failed to act after receiving accusations of Nassar sexually molesting gymnasts. The FBI’s failure enabled Nassar to continue his…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) report how they are often blamed, shamed, or avoided when they disclose their abuse. Take a moment right now to consider your response if a survivor discloses their abuse to you. Do you attempt to explain why the abuse happened? Do you mentally scramble for advice you can offer? Do you change the subject…
Though every survivor of childhood sexual abuse has their own unique story, shame is a common long-term effect for all survivors. Shame is a disconnect from others and self that can be common to all but especially imposed upon survivors of sexual abuse and their spouses. It rises out of a sense that something is wrong with me. Responses to…
Shame is a common experience among survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It is a condition imposed on them as opposed to being initiated by them. The internal response of shame is not because of what they have done but because of what they have been led to believe about themselves. A survivor churns with self-condemning questions of: Was I not…
Victims of childhood sexual abuse are silenced for many reasons. The first is that shame from the abuse silences its victims as do threats from the perpetrator. However, when abuse occurs, children and youth can also be silenced for developmental reasons. Cheryl Strayed, writer, feminist, and mother, recently explained her silence, “Because I was sexually abused at such a young age,…
In our previous blog, I offered two observations on why the prevalence and injury of childhood sexual abuse continue to be ignored by society. In this blog, I shift the focus from the response of society to our personal responses and care to survivors of abuse. How can we extend care to survivors of sexual abuse? Here are three loving…
In this blog, I offer two observations as to why the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse in our society goes unnoticed and unmentioned. The first observation applies especially to institutions such as churches. The second observation was brought to my awareness by another observer and has individual application.